Yesterday was Cheryl's birthday and we were slated to go see our baby for the very first time. It was the first appointment of the pregnancy and the question of twins was looming overhead. So off we went, Cheryl, her mom, myself and a camera to capture this momentous occasion. After a long wait and a few rough girl tests (sorry baby :-( ) it was time for the ultrasound. Film rolling and eyes dancing we watched the monitor light up a tiny figure. Then came this awkward silence. i thought I was supposed to hear something. I remember my body tingle when the doctor said," I'm not seeing a heartbeat." She looked more and from other angles but the result was the same. No heartbeat. As tears streamed down my wife's face she simply said, " I know this sounds weird but I feel like God already spoke to me today about this." My wife had seen a mental picture of a baby without a heartbeat and already talked with God and processed with him about it. It definitely was a strange thing to think about the morning of an ultrasound, going beyond being paranoid to being a God-thing. We went through two more ultrasounds to confirm what we had already known from the first, our baby had made it to just over nine weeks and died.
In the whole span of events, what has brought us the most tears isn't the sadness of losing a baby, but the goodness of God. Our doctor couldn't have been more perfect. She was basically Cheryl in 30 years. She prayed over my wife and cried with her. My wife has had to delete texts three times because her inbox was too full. Her mom (who was a labor and delivery nurse for two decades) is in town and has walked her through much. We have so many good people to call family that really mean it when they say, "call if you need anything."
The whole thing hasn't been easy, nor is it finished, but we have definitely seen God so much already. Thank you to everyone who has prayed, called, texted, and thought of us. Your prayers have moved God's heart to bring us peace and to sustain us in this time. He is good and we trust Him. Thank you God for blessing us with the gift of a child, even if only for a few moments.
Here is little baby Culin. We think he's pretty cute. We love you guys, thanks again
E&C
10 comments:
we both love you! See you in 7 days. I miss you.
We love you baby Culin, we always will. Say Hi to Jesus for us and we will see you both soon.
Auntie Lyssa, Uncle James and cousin Judah
Cheryl- my heart goes out to you. I know your pain all to well. Please get checked for APS and progesterone levels (its just a matter of blood work)and could save the next babies life. Most people say miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities and thats true in some cases, but sometimes there are other underlying issues that can be treated with meds to help you have a healthy pregnancy. I lost 2 babies before an MD would listen to me and my concerns. I would have lost my third baby had I not insisted on the blood work. He is now a happy, healthy, 15 month old and the thoughts of not having him rocks me to my core. I don't know you, but felt I needed to share this with you. Maybe its God's way of helping you. I wish I would have someone that would have helped me along the way. It could have spared me deep depression and 2 babies that I could be holding today. I am not saying this is the case for you, but I felt compelled to write you. Please take care of yourself and know that your baby is not alone. Maybe my two are there with your little one in heaven. I pray for peace for you and your husband. Melissa
Hey guys, long time no talk! Just wanted you to know my heart hurts for you. I am excited that james and alyssa will be with you two shortly! Praying. H
We are so sad with you. What a precious baby in the ultrasound picture. We love you guys and we are so amazed how you have seen God with you and speaking to you right now. Praying for you.
We are so sorry for you loss. May you hold on to Jesus during this tough time. We are praying for peace that surpasses understanding!
Love, Freddie & DeAnna Gallardo
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. That picture is so gorgeous. We love you and we will praying for you to continue to be strong. Enjoy your time with your family. Let us know if you need anything.
I love you guys. Eddie, thanks for sharing your story. You are a good man and I share your pain.
-Justin P
Praying for you now. God says he has great plans for you. He really does. Count on that to get you through this.
Interesting how your previous blog was about waiting - I don't have anything insightful to offer like the other loving people here, but like them I will also pray.
Cheryl and Eddie - We are so sorry and sad for the loss of your sweet baby. We love you guys!
Moi and L-L
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