Fear

Why not share something about my heart? I have no idea where my cord thing is for the camera so I can post pictures on here about the move and all the people who helped us. So why not share about my heart?
Fear. Not a great word. Not a great feeling. But it came upon my fast about 2 weeks ago. After losing our baby at 10 weeks it was painful. We chose to follow the advice of our doctor and prevent pregnancy for at least 3 months. I think it was the right decision for us. Suddenly (about 2 weeks ago) I realized 3 months had passed. Now what? All of these emotions started overwhelming me. I was afraid. Preventing sort of made me not have to deal with certain fears. Fears about being pregnant again. Fears about "trying" but not being pregnant and the possibility that making me sad. A little anxiety about what "trying" even means for the hubby and I. Like, what is good for us? Just be relaxed about it, or look at a calendar? We've never done this whole trying thing. What is this time in our lives supposed to look like for us? What is best for my heart? Do you see the flood of questions that came upon me??... :)
It may seem strange, but the last two weeks have been the most painful time in this journey besides the time right after it all happened. It hit me all of a sudden that waiting has been really hard. Most women after a miscarriage want to get pregnant again right away to hope again. Waiting sort of has made the sadness linger in some ways. I don't think it's been a bad thing. Just hard.
I have amazing friends though. I thought, "This fear sure isn't right. Don't think I'm supposed to dwell here." So I picked up the phone and called three of my best friends and shared what I was feeling: FEAR. They prayed for me (and are praying for me). It's amazing how you feel lighter after sharing the things that are weighing your heart down. I felt renewed.
I've had numerous people tell me they read my blog. I would never know because they don't comment. That's okay. I'm a blog stalker too. You don't have to comment. But when you think about us would you pray however you feel led? I can't say that I have answers for some of my questions. Just less fear. I don't really have a plan. Maybe it's supposed to be that way...

Home sweet home

This is our house. Weird. "Our house". I'm pretty excited. I feel like I'm supposed to be like bouncing off the walls, "Ahhh! I'm so excited!!!", kind of excited. But I'm just excited. It's a house. It's not the most important thing in the world. Not even close. But we did pray about it- a lot. We prayed specifically : 1.) For a house we could use to be a blessing to others 2.) for a mortgage we could afford w/ me working only part-time (in case that's what I want to do when we have babies) 3.) that we would be WISE!! 4.) That we would bless God with the decision we make.
Crazy. I know it's just a house, but it's everything and more that we prayed for or about. I'm excited to see how God uses a house for his glory. By that I mean, this "just a house"is where our family will grow, our church family and friends will meet, and memories will be made- for His glory. I kind of just look at it and think "Cool, God. What now?"